Gossip -- How Women Can Stop 'Phoning It In'

Before I get to the article part of this article, here's an activity I want you try next time you're together with a group of women:

Play a couple rounds of Telephone. Start at one point of the circle, or on one side of the room, and whisper one of the following into the first woman's ear. She'll whisper it to the next woman, and so on, until the message reaches the last woman in the room.

"Mary's daughter, who just graduated from law school, went to the doctor to have a test run on her lungs, and the nurse knew her from high school and ended up helping her reconnect with a teacher who runs a meals-on-the-go program that will help with some of her clients at the women's shelter."

"Gretchen took her Aunt Gracie to the awards ceremony on Tuesday night to interview the couple who recently adopted the children whose home was flooded last March. The story, and the photos she took last Saturday, will run in Sunday's paper."

Compare the original messages with the message spoken by the last woman in the room to hear it. Then discuss:

•What contributed to the message changing as it was passed along?
•How is this experience like or unlike what happens among women in church?
In reaction to that last question, women will frequently justify passing along information with a myriad of justifications…er, I mean, reasons… such as:

"I just wanted to know if you'd heard the same thing. I didn't want to ask her and risk offending her or making her feel bad."

"I know I probably shouldn't pass this along, but it's just been on my mind lately."

"I'm just telling you because I think this is something we should all be praying about."

Women have a toxic combination that often ends right in the middle of - let's call it what it is - gossip. First, we're caregivers, so we're naturally concerned about others. Second, we're verbal, so we listen, and talk, a lot. To top it all off, we're Christians. So we'd better be praying about all these concerns, and the more people we can share with and get to pray along with us the better, right?

Right.

And wrong.

Yes, we're supposed to pray for those in need. That means taking the prayer need to God, not others. Yes, we're supposed to pray together, but God doesn't need for us to bring him all the details. He already knows more details than anyone else!

People get hurt when we talk more than we should. The people involved often get hurt because more people are talking about them than they want, and the information is usually diluted and distorted. The people talking about the situation get hurt, because instead of acting in response to concern - by prayer or service - they're spending time talking. Most important, our relationship with God is hurt. We're not taking needs to him immediately and trusting him to 1) know what's going on, 2) act in everyone's best interest, and 3) challenge us to step up when called to action and sit down and be quiet when we're not.

Gossip dilutes and distorts reality, and gossip dilutes and distorts our relationship with God.

Consider women who quickly come to mind when you think of prayer warriors. Now, consider how much time they spend sharing information and to what extent they share it. How does their behavior compare to women you know who regularly gossip?

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, "Pray continually." I'll assume that to mean I should be praying when I'm talking, listening, and sharing. Will you join me?

Susan Lawrence is a Women's Ministry Consultant for Group for Women and coordinates Women's Ministries in central Illinois. Her first Bible study, Pure Purpose, released in April 2010. http://purepurposebook.wordpress.com

Theme: Gossip causes injury and creates division.

Scripture: Psalm 141:1-4

Clip Location: 5:45 through 6:45 Preview All Clips

Synopsis: Calvin offers encouragement to a friend whose shop was damaged and robbed. As Calvin is opening up his barbershop, his next-door neighbor Janelle speculates about the culprit’s identity. Calvin doesn’t want to hear it and tells her to stop gossiping. (Warning! This clip contains an objectionable word–the kind that might be heard on prime time TV.)

Gospel Filter: Gossip is such an insidious sin because so many people excuse it as acceptable behavior. (I’ve even heard prayer used as cover for gossip. "I don’t know if you heard, but Tom’s going through a tough time…) Shine God’s harsh light of truth on this destructive little habit, pointing the way to encouragement and edification over speculation and slander.

Discussion Questions:

Do you consider gossip sinful? Why or why not?

What’s the difference between gossip and legitimate information? Do you share personal information about family members with other family members? information about friends with other friends? How do you decide whether or not this is appropriate? Explain.

How did you react the last time you heard gossip? Would you ever let someone know if they were being gossiped about? Why or why not?

Read aloud Psalm 141:1-4. Why did David ask God to guard his mouth? Why does our speech have such a great capacity for evil? What subtle forms of gossip do you hear? What justification do people give for gossiping? What purpose does gossip serve? How would the world change if people didn’t gossip at all? What are the best ways to respond in situations that involve gossip?

Can Life Get Any Busier?

It's been a long time since I posted on the blog. I just got so caught up in life and forgot I even had this blog. It must've taken me about 10 tries before I could even sign in with the correct email and password. I should've just looked on my papers where I keep my passwords first.
A lot has happened since June. One of our highlights of the summer was this. My husband, Jeff and I went away on holidays for two weeks to B.C. and Alberta. The reason for going to B.C. is because Jeff's parent's, two brothers and sister live out there. Our son, Mark lives in Edmonton. We had a family and friend barbeque at my MIL's trailer in Harrison Hot Springs. (Which, by the way I never even got to go into the springs this time) I played around with my camera alot while I was there. I got a lot of pictures of different flowers, trailers, mountains and of course the family and friends. While in B.C. we went to Whistler for the day with the plans of bungee jumping. But to our dismay it was all booked up and not a single time slot available for that day. What were we to do... Well, we took the cable car up to the top of the mountain and then another car over to the other mountain. We had lunch up there and took many pictures. It was so neat to be so close to snow in the middle of summer. It was a beautiful sunny day so we could see to a far distance. We even got to see a pack of baby cubs under the cable car we were riding in. When we did the scenic routes we got down to some serious shopping in the town. My sister in law, Judy and I had a blast. Then when we were done we stopped for dinner and just relaxed.
The next morning we borrowed my MIL's car and started our journey throughout the mountains to Edmonton. Along the way we stopped in Jasper for lunch and a bit of tourist shopping. What an amazing beautiful city. I would love to live there. The scenery is breathtaking and nothing like I've seen before. We finally reached our son's apartment in Edmonton about 13 hours later. We were so happy to see him after him vactioning with us two months earlier.
We spent three days at his apartment. We went shopping at the West Edmonton mall and a day trip at The Edmonton Museum. I found that driving asround Edmonton wasn't too easy as their roads seem to merge into eachother and next thing you know you're on an entirely different street. It's very confusing. As you can probably tell I like to shop. I especially liked the Londonderry Mall. It's close to Mark's place and has all the stores you could ever want.
After two weeks of visiting, travelling, eating, staying up late we were ready to come back home and sleep in our own bed. I will miss Mark and the rest of the family. Hopefully we'll be back soon.