Gossip -- How Women Can Stop 'Phoning It In'

Before I get to the article part of this article, here's an activity I want you try next time you're together with a group of women:

Play a couple rounds of Telephone. Start at one point of the circle, or on one side of the room, and whisper one of the following into the first woman's ear. She'll whisper it to the next woman, and so on, until the message reaches the last woman in the room.

"Mary's daughter, who just graduated from law school, went to the doctor to have a test run on her lungs, and the nurse knew her from high school and ended up helping her reconnect with a teacher who runs a meals-on-the-go program that will help with some of her clients at the women's shelter."

"Gretchen took her Aunt Gracie to the awards ceremony on Tuesday night to interview the couple who recently adopted the children whose home was flooded last March. The story, and the photos she took last Saturday, will run in Sunday's paper."

Compare the original messages with the message spoken by the last woman in the room to hear it. Then discuss:

•What contributed to the message changing as it was passed along?
•How is this experience like or unlike what happens among women in church?
In reaction to that last question, women will frequently justify passing along information with a myriad of justifications…er, I mean, reasons… such as:

"I just wanted to know if you'd heard the same thing. I didn't want to ask her and risk offending her or making her feel bad."

"I know I probably shouldn't pass this along, but it's just been on my mind lately."

"I'm just telling you because I think this is something we should all be praying about."

Women have a toxic combination that often ends right in the middle of - let's call it what it is - gossip. First, we're caregivers, so we're naturally concerned about others. Second, we're verbal, so we listen, and talk, a lot. To top it all off, we're Christians. So we'd better be praying about all these concerns, and the more people we can share with and get to pray along with us the better, right?

Right.

And wrong.

Yes, we're supposed to pray for those in need. That means taking the prayer need to God, not others. Yes, we're supposed to pray together, but God doesn't need for us to bring him all the details. He already knows more details than anyone else!

People get hurt when we talk more than we should. The people involved often get hurt because more people are talking about them than they want, and the information is usually diluted and distorted. The people talking about the situation get hurt, because instead of acting in response to concern - by prayer or service - they're spending time talking. Most important, our relationship with God is hurt. We're not taking needs to him immediately and trusting him to 1) know what's going on, 2) act in everyone's best interest, and 3) challenge us to step up when called to action and sit down and be quiet when we're not.

Gossip dilutes and distorts reality, and gossip dilutes and distorts our relationship with God.

Consider women who quickly come to mind when you think of prayer warriors. Now, consider how much time they spend sharing information and to what extent they share it. How does their behavior compare to women you know who regularly gossip?

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, "Pray continually." I'll assume that to mean I should be praying when I'm talking, listening, and sharing. Will you join me?

Susan Lawrence is a Women's Ministry Consultant for Group for Women and coordinates Women's Ministries in central Illinois. Her first Bible study, Pure Purpose, released in April 2010. http://purepurposebook.wordpress.com

Theme: Gossip causes injury and creates division.

Scripture: Psalm 141:1-4

Clip Location: 5:45 through 6:45 Preview All Clips

Synopsis: Calvin offers encouragement to a friend whose shop was damaged and robbed. As Calvin is opening up his barbershop, his next-door neighbor Janelle speculates about the culprit’s identity. Calvin doesn’t want to hear it and tells her to stop gossiping. (Warning! This clip contains an objectionable word–the kind that might be heard on prime time TV.)

Gospel Filter: Gossip is such an insidious sin because so many people excuse it as acceptable behavior. (I’ve even heard prayer used as cover for gossip. "I don’t know if you heard, but Tom’s going through a tough time…) Shine God’s harsh light of truth on this destructive little habit, pointing the way to encouragement and edification over speculation and slander.

Discussion Questions:

Do you consider gossip sinful? Why or why not?

What’s the difference between gossip and legitimate information? Do you share personal information about family members with other family members? information about friends with other friends? How do you decide whether or not this is appropriate? Explain.

How did you react the last time you heard gossip? Would you ever let someone know if they were being gossiped about? Why or why not?

Read aloud Psalm 141:1-4. Why did David ask God to guard his mouth? Why does our speech have such a great capacity for evil? What subtle forms of gossip do you hear? What justification do people give for gossiping? What purpose does gossip serve? How would the world change if people didn’t gossip at all? What are the best ways to respond in situations that involve gossip?

Can Life Get Any Busier?

It's been a long time since I posted on the blog. I just got so caught up in life and forgot I even had this blog. It must've taken me about 10 tries before I could even sign in with the correct email and password. I should've just looked on my papers where I keep my passwords first.
A lot has happened since June. One of our highlights of the summer was this. My husband, Jeff and I went away on holidays for two weeks to B.C. and Alberta. The reason for going to B.C. is because Jeff's parent's, two brothers and sister live out there. Our son, Mark lives in Edmonton. We had a family and friend barbeque at my MIL's trailer in Harrison Hot Springs. (Which, by the way I never even got to go into the springs this time) I played around with my camera alot while I was there. I got a lot of pictures of different flowers, trailers, mountains and of course the family and friends. While in B.C. we went to Whistler for the day with the plans of bungee jumping. But to our dismay it was all booked up and not a single time slot available for that day. What were we to do... Well, we took the cable car up to the top of the mountain and then another car over to the other mountain. We had lunch up there and took many pictures. It was so neat to be so close to snow in the middle of summer. It was a beautiful sunny day so we could see to a far distance. We even got to see a pack of baby cubs under the cable car we were riding in. When we did the scenic routes we got down to some serious shopping in the town. My sister in law, Judy and I had a blast. Then when we were done we stopped for dinner and just relaxed.
The next morning we borrowed my MIL's car and started our journey throughout the mountains to Edmonton. Along the way we stopped in Jasper for lunch and a bit of tourist shopping. What an amazing beautiful city. I would love to live there. The scenery is breathtaking and nothing like I've seen before. We finally reached our son's apartment in Edmonton about 13 hours later. We were so happy to see him after him vactioning with us two months earlier.
We spent three days at his apartment. We went shopping at the West Edmonton mall and a day trip at The Edmonton Museum. I found that driving asround Edmonton wasn't too easy as their roads seem to merge into eachother and next thing you know you're on an entirely different street. It's very confusing. As you can probably tell I like to shop. I especially liked the Londonderry Mall. It's close to Mark's place and has all the stores you could ever want.
After two weeks of visiting, travelling, eating, staying up late we were ready to come back home and sleep in our own bed. I will miss Mark and the rest of the family. Hopefully we'll be back soon.

Endurance

What if someone took a snapshot of you and made it an example for others so that’s all others know about your life? Some snapshots of our lives can be framed into a nice photo that accurately reflects a particular situation in our lives. However, our lives aren’t mere snapshots. Our lives are rich recordings, capturing our thoughts, emotions, relationships, situations, struggles, growth…every detail of every moment of our lives. Our lives are a marathon. We may stop to walk along the way. We might make a wrong turn and need to get back on track. We may enjoy the refreshing wind at times and sit by the side of the road in tears sometimes. Endurance is movement through the marathon of life, regardless of the varying types and speeds of movement. Endurance involves perseverance. Sometimes we persevere at a sprint, and sometimes we barely shuffle our feet.
When have your legs felt strong and you felt the refreshing wind in your face as you ran through life?
When have you been completely overwhelmed with the path ahead, your legs feeling like massive weights, and you wanted to stop for a long rest?
Since we have been made right with God by our faith, we have peace with God. This happened through our Lord Jesus Christ, who through our faith has brought us into that blessing of God's grace that we now enjoy. And we are happy because of the hope we have of sharing God's glory. We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts. He gave us his love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to us. Romans 5:1-5
When we have problems and trials, we can develop endurance. (We can also sit and mope and whine and become self-focused.) Endurance develops character. Character develops our hope in salvation. And yet…isn’t it our hope in salvation, our relationship with Jesus, our acceptance and understanding of God’s character, that helps us deal with our problems and trials in the first place?
You see, we often stop where we are because we’re waiting on something. We think we need more faith or we need more strength or we need more courage. We may even ask God for it. And then we wait and wait and wait….when we already have what we need! If you have a relationship with Jesus, you have his strength and courage. You may not always feel like you have it, but it’s there. We may feel completely drained and insufficient and incapable, but it’s not because we actually are. Standing on the promise of Romans 1:5.
The Holy Spirit gives us everything we need. The strength and courage we need is already in us, and not only is it in us, but the Holy Spirit fills us! You have access to God’s love, courage, strength, joy, discernment (and the list goes on…) inside you, accessible at all times. So why do you think we still want to sit beside the road, bury our head in our hands and quit?
My thoughts might not be even close to yours, but here are a few I’ve considered.
1. Even when we know God provides all we need through him, we try to rely into our own strength and courage instead of tapping into his.
2. We wait to tap into his strength and courage only when we’re completely exhausted. We try to hand him the baton, expecting him to run the rest of the way for us, not with us.
3. We rely on the Holy Spirit to guide, equip, and encourage us so infrequently that we’re not sure how to listen and rely on him.
We’re human. I don’t want this to become a crutch we rely on, but we have to admit, we’re going to struggle with our past baggage, current struggles, and future apprehensions. The key is whether we try to manage it all or rely on God to equip us to persevere and endure.
Our marathon doesn’t start the moment we get the phone call, receive the diagnosis, or discover the betrayal. We don’t run through the crisis and check it off our list. Our marathon is our entire life. Challenging uphill climbs. Downhill coasts. Crushed by crowds of people. Feelings of isolation. Encouraged by others. Discouraged as others fly by. Inadequacies. Doubt. Injuries. Milestones. Rejuvenation. It’s all part of the marathon. And you’re in training through the entire marathon. Increase your endurance through consistent training.
Training isn’t just a to-do list. It’s a to-be list. What you do prepares you for who you become. Who you are influences what you do. Both are intimately connected. What is God prompting you to do and who is he prompting you to become?

Adapted from Pure Purpose by Susan H. Lawrence. Check out Susan’s blog at http://purepurposebook.wordpress.com/ and follow Pure Purpose on Facebook at http://tinyurl.com/PurePurposeFB

Surviving an Earthquake - Don't hide under your desk. That's old school

Directly opposite of what we've been taught over the years! I can remember in school being told to, "duck and cover" or stand in a doorway during an earthquake. This guy's findings are absolutely amazing. I hope we all remember his survival method if we are ever in an earthquake!!!
EXTRACT FROM DOUG COPP'S ARTICLE ON THE: "TRIANGLE OF LIFE"
My name is Doug Copp. I am the Rescue Chief and Disaster Manager of the American Rescue Team International (ARTI), the world's most experienced rescue team. The information in this article will save lives in an earthquake.
I have crawled inside 875 collapsed buildings, worked with rescue teams from 60 countries, founded rescue teams in several countries, and I am a member of many rescue teams from many countries...
I was the United Nations expert in Disaster Mitigation for two years. I have worked at every major disaster in the world since 1985, except for simultaneous disasters.
The first building I ever crawled inside of was a school in Mexico City during the 1985 earthquake. Every child was under its desk. Every child was crushed to the thickness of their bones. They could have survived by lying down next to their desks in the aisles. It was obscene, unnecessary and I wondered why the children were not in the aisles. I didn't at the time know that the children were told to hide under something.
Simply stated, when buildings collapse, the weight of the ceilings falling upon the objects or furniture inside crushes these objects, leaving a space or void next to them. This space is what I call the "triangle of life".
The larger the object, the stronger, the less it will compact. The less the object compacts, the larger the void, the greater the probability that the person who is using this void for safety will not be injured. The next time you watch collapsed buildings, on television, count the "triangles" you see formed. They are everywhere. It is the most common shape, you will see, in a collapsed building.
TIPS FOR EARTHQUAKE SAFETY
1) Most everyone who simply "ducks and covers" WHEN BUILDINGS COLLAPSE are crushed to death. People who get under objects, like desks or cars, are crushed.
2) Cats, dogs and babies often naturally curl up in the fetal position. You should too in an earthquake... It is a natural safety/survival instinct. You can survive in a smaller void. Get next to an object, next to a sofa, next to a large bulky object that will compress slightly but leave a void next to it.
3) Wooden buildings are the safest type of construction to be in during an earthquake. Wood is flexible and moves with the force of the earthquake. If the wooden building does collapse, large survival voids are created. Also, the wooden building has less concentrated, crushing weight. Brick buildings will break into individual bricks. Bricks will cause many injuries but less squashed bodies than concrete slabs.
4) If you are in bed during the night and an earthquake occurs, simply roll off the bed. A safe void will exist around the bed. Hotels can achieve a much greater survival rate in earthquakes, simply by posting a sign on The back of the door of every room telling occupants to lie down on the floor, next to the bottom of the bed during an earthquake.
5) If an earthquake happens and you cannot easily escape by getting out the door or window, then lie down and curl up in the fetal position next to a sofa, or large chair.
6) Most everyone who gets under a doorway when buildings collapse is killed. How? If you stand under a doorway and the doorjamb falls forward or backward you will be crushed by the ceiling above. If the door jam falls sideways you will be cut in half by the doorway. In either case, you will be killed!
7) Never go to the stairs. The stairs have a different "moment of frequency" (they swing separately from the main part of the building). The stairs and remainder of the building continuously bump into each other until structural failure of the stairs takes place. The people who get on stairs before they fail are chopped up by the stair treads - horribly mutilated. Even if the building doesn't collapse, stay away from the stairs. The stairs are a likely part of the building to be damaged. Even if the stairs are not collapsed by the earthquake, they may collapse later when overloaded by fleeing people. They should always be checked for safety, even when the rest of the building is not damaged.
8) Get Near the Outer Walls Of Buildings Or Outside Of Them If Possible - It is much better to be near the outside of the building rather than the interior. The farther inside you are from the outside perimeter of the building the greater the probability that your escape route will be blocked.
9) People inside of their vehicles are crushed when the road above falls in an earthquake and crushes their vehicles; which is exactly what happened with the slabs between the decks of the Nimitz Freeway... The victims of the San Francisco earthquake all stayed inside of their vehicles. They were all killed. They could have easily survived by getting out and sitting or lying next to their vehicles. Everyone killed would have survived if they had been able to get out of their cars and sit or lie next to them. All the crushed cars had voids 3 feet high next to them, except for the cars that had columns fall directly across them.
10) I discovered, while crawling inside of collapsed newspaper offices and other offices with a lot of paper, that paper does not compact. Large voids are found surrounding stacks of paper.
Spread the word and save someone's life... The Entire world is experiencing natural calamities so be prepared!
"We are but angels with one wing, it takes two to fly".
In 1996 we made a film, which proved my survival methodology to be correct. The Turkish Federal Government, City of Istanbul, University of Istanbul Case Productions and ARTI cooperated to film this practical, scientific test. We collapsed a school and a home with 20 mannequins inside. Ten mannequins did "duck and cover," and ten mannequins I used in my "triangle of life" survival method. After the simulated earthquake collapse we crawled through the rubble and entered the building to film and document the results. The film, in which I practiced my survival techniques under directly observable, scientific conditions, relevant to building collapse, showed there would have been zero percent survival for those doing duck and cover. There would likely have been 100 percent survivability for people using my method of the "triangle of life." This film has been seen by millions of viewers on television in Turkey and the rest of Europe, and it was seen in the USA , Canada and Latin America on the TV program Real TV.

Authenticity

LORD, teach me what you want me to do, and I will live by your truth. Teach me to respect you completely. Psalm 86:11
Authenticity is “being actually and exactly what is claimed.” (www.merriam-webster.com)
Have you ever given advice you have difficulty applying in your own life? Have you ever stretched the truth (a.k.a., lied) to make yourself look a little better or perhaps a little worse in order to avoid doing something? (Perhaps you’ve even deceived yourself.) Are there areas of your life in which you know there are principles you should follow, but you just don’t seem to be able to discipline yourself to apply them or you struggle with how they apply directly to you?
Truthfulness isn’t just about what you say. It’s about the way you live. It paves the way for an authenticity in our lives, a perspective that reflects actually and exactly what we claim. Authenticity is a reflection of God, which means if we want authenticity, we can’t look in our own mirror; we have to use God’s.
Truthfulness affects others. It affects their faith, because it affects how they see God. Whether I have a long-term relationship or momentary encounter with someone, my character, the way I behave, my attitude…all combine to reflect the God who created me for purpose on this earth. No moment, no situation, no person is insignificant.
And here’s the truth. I don’t always reflect the truth of God’s character. Sure, sometimes it has nothing to do with deceit. It might have to do with ignorance. But in all honesty, how often are we ignorant in a situation…versus how often we rationalize we’re ignorant? It’s much easier to plead innocence than to take responsibility.
Not listening to God isn’t the same as not knowing his character. We live in a “shirk responsibility” culture. It’s easier to blame someone else. But when it comes to your personal walk with God, it’s between you and him. I can assure you, he’s not the one creating space. Are we distant from God sometimes? Yes, but we can acknowledge the distance and move. Or we can choose instead to try to figure out the distance, whine about the distance, and end up in the same place weeks or months from now. Are we hurt or confused sometimes? Yes, but again, we can acknowledge our emotions and experience and begin the process of moving to another place, or steep in the turmoil and end up in the same situation, or worse, weeks or months from now.
You’re not a victim. How can I be so sure? Because I know my God. He’s not a victimizer. He’s a Victor. He created you. And he is Truth. There is truth in you. We need to let him reveal it to us, so you see the reflection God sees. So others see the reflection God sees.
God understands all hearts, and he sees you. Proverbs 24:12
(For practical tools for how to “get R.E.A.L.,” authentic in your Relationships, Experiences, Attitudes and Leadership, check out Week Eight of Pure Purpose by Susan H. Lawrence.)
Check out Susan’s blog at http://purepurposebook.wordpress.com/ and follow Pure Purpose on Facebook at http://tinyurl.com/PurePurposeFB

Compassion

How have you showed compassion to someone you didn’t know. It doesn’t have to be huge. Have you helped someone carry groceries? Paid for someone’s lunch when her debit card was declined? Listened to someone’s struggles while sitting on a plane or in a doctor’s office?
Compassion is sincere. To share a burden or to sympathize with someone isn’t motivated by guilt or obligation. It’s a tug into action, rooted in love, consideration and kindness.
When do you avert your eyes from a need? Who do you pass by? Consider any groups of people or situations you consistently avoid.
Need help? Consider the following:

 Roadside beggars
 Veterans
 Drug addicts
 Foreign missions
 Homeless
 Poor
 Single moms
 Door-to-door solicitors
 Hitchhikers
 Donation solicitor
What are some reasons for avoiding people?
There are certainly some safety issues we must consider. If you’re walking alone in the mall parking lot and are pursued by a man asking to use your phone to call for help, you should immediately move toward a populated area.
But I wonder how often we rationalize not showing compassion because of an exception, not a rule. How often do we assume we know someone’s motives, and we don’t want to be taken advantage of, so we pass by?
Jesus answered, “As a man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, some robbers attacked him. They tore off his clothes, beat him, and left him lying there, almost dead. It happened that a priest was going down that road. When he saw the man, he walked by on the other side. Next, a Levite came there, and after he went over and looked at the man, he walked by on the other side of the road. Then a Samaritan traveling down the road came to where the hurt man was. When he saw the man, he felt very sorry for him. The Samaritan went to him, poured olive oil and wine on his wounds, and bandaged them. Then he put the hurt man on his own donkey and took him to an inn where he cared for him. The next day, the Samaritan brought out two coins, gave them to the innkeeper, and said, ‘Take care of this man. If you spend more money on him, I will pay it back to you when I come again.’”
Then Jesus said, “Which one of these three men do you think was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by the robbers?”
The expert on the law answered, “The one who showed him mercy.”
Jesus said to him, “Then go and do what he did.” Luke 10:30-37
Consider this happening in today’s world. Picture the roadside where you might see this man and what your reaction might be when you encounter him? What are your assumptions, and how do they determine your response?
What happens when we assume we know someone’s past, motives, etc.?
Isn’t it funny, when the other fellow takes a long time to do something, he’s slow. When I take a long time to do something, I’m thorough. When the other fellow doesn’t do it, he’s lazy. When I don’t do it, I’m busy. When the other fellow does it without being told, he’s overstepping his bounds. When I go ahead and do it without being told, that’s initiative. When the other fellow states his opinion strongly, he’s bullheaded. When I state my opinion strongly, I’m firm. When the other fellow overlooks a few rules of etiquette, he’s rude. Tom Knight, quoted by Charles McHarry, New York Daily News
Brothers and sisters, do not tell evil lies about each other. If you speak against your fellow believers or judge them, you are judging and speaking against the law they follow. And when you are judging the law, you are no longer a follower of the law. You have become a judge. James 4:11

A Cuba Getaway

Well it's been a while since I connected with you all. I've been very busy with work, church, family and just day to day life. I am currently sitting in Pearson International Airport waiting to board my plane. My husband and I planned a getaway for just the two of us (alone). Like I said our lives are very busy and we just need a break. We're going to Veradero, Cuba. This will be my husband's first time going there. I've been to Cuba twice before. I'm actually a little embarrassed to say that I just came back from Cuba in November and was there last March. I really like the beaches in Cuba as apposed to the beaches in Mexico or The Dominican. The sand is white in colour and the water is a crystal clear turquoise colour. Just gorgeous. Well I will try to write a blurb about our stay a little later on. Stay Tuned.